Is there a more rock’n’roll word than alright? That’s a rhetorical question. Don’t bother answering. I’ve done the research and the answer’s no. There are other rock’n’roll words, like ‘hey’ and ‘ok’ and ‘Serengeti’ (I’m joking, Toto fans), but nothing comes close to ‘alright’.
(more…)

Such is the absurdity of war that although the 1918 Armistice was signed and sealed by half past five in the morning, the guns kept firing until they were officially told to stop at 11am. The number of casualties on all sides in that final five-and-a-half-hour flurry is estimated at 11,000. What is it about 11s?

(more…)

The big news this week is that scientists can accurately track whales using images from satellites 300 odd miles above the surface of the sea. This is great news for people who like to track whales, but it didn’t go down well with Rob, the aforementioned James Acaster fan. “So we’ve got CCTV cameras that can’t give a clear picture of someone robbing a cashpoint five yards away but they can identify a whale from Space!” (more…)

The genie is out of the bottle. 118 words in and for the first time we have a word that could be deemed ‘a bit rude’. Yes, we’ve had sausage. Yes, we’ve had pencil. But I’m not talking schoolboy euphemisms here, I’m talking about a word that you might well hear eminent medics use (when they’re not out drinking) to describe the male genital appendage. (more…)

There’s a lot of fear about these days. Whether there’s more fear about these days than there was in palaeolithic days is difficult to say, especially if you suffer from hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (the fear of long words). We just keep hearing that there’s a lot of fear about these days, so it must be worthy of attention. (more…)

Funny thing, humour. I’ve been having this debate with Rob at work about the comedian James Acaster and whether or not he’s funny. Rob says he is; I’ve yet to see the evidence. Rob won’t let it drop, though, and I’m beginning to suspect he’s trying to jam James Acaster into my life. (more…)

Two very peculiar things happened this week. First, Steve Bruce, erstwhile manager of Aston Villa, had a cabbage thrown at him from the crowd at Villa Park. The cabbage was thrown on Tuesday. On Wednesday he was sacked.  (more…)

Firstly, I should apologise to anyone who has opened this email expecting an essay on philosophy. I admit that last week’s trailer, ‘Next week: How an accident with a home-made go-kart taught me philosophy’, may have given the impression that this week’s article would be about how an accident with a home-made go-kart taught me philosophy. What I should have written was: ‘Next week: How I fibbed about this week’s article being about how an accident with a home-made go-kart taught me philosophy.’ (more…)

The long, dark nights are drawing in, the wind is whipping up a storm, the trees are abandoning their leaves like gnarled MPs and their beliefs and as we pick our merry way down the debris strewn lanes we are reminded once again of Julius Caesar’s immortal proclamation, “Veni, vidi, oneser” – I came, I saw, I won at conkers. (more…)

There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can’t spell; those who can’t draw; and those who can’t spell drawer. (more…)